How Can I Love God But Hate Myself?

Hmmm… that is a tough one really. How can I love God but hate myself? I know I am far from being on my own in this situation. A lot of people, Christians and non-Christians, dislike who they are; their height, their weight, their shape, their size, their hair… the list could go on. I am not going to even go into the things that I would change about myself, quite frankly the list would be long, boring and well I am not writing this for people to feel sorry for me. In this world today, media dominates a large proportion of it. It is every where, no matter which way you turn. It is like a wasp and it seems that every time you even attempt to waft it away it comes right back. Training to be a teacher and previously being a youth leader, I have even seen instances from young ages where young children even feel like they have to conform in a certain way; it is truly heart-breaking to be quite frank. What 8 year-old should have to feel like they do not look the right way and should have to follow the “laws” of image?  Personally, I go day in and day out of not feeling like I love the way I look. Although it plays on my mind a lot, it came to light yesterday the way I feel when talking to a friend. I often despise looking in the mirror and seeing pictures of myself is often horrible. In the past I have been out with friends and we take a group picture, I am mortified when I look back at it, I see everyone else looking lovely and then I see me, I can not look past it, and for me when I tell people that I do not like it can we take another is hard. But sometimes I feel misunderstood, I do not do it to get complements by no means and I do not do it for the attention… I genuinely hate the way I look on it. I look at others and think I want to be them, I want to look like her, I have to look this way to be accepted by males. When I think about it, it is truly ridiculous. Why should anyone have to go through their lives feeling like this?

But how and where does God fit into this? Either you are asking this about yourself or wondering how people, like myself, can manage to have a relationship with Jesus and a faith with God but still manage to have self-hate in life. The answer, albeit not simple can be defined in one word. DIFFICULT. People think that having a faith is easy and I am sure you will agree with me that it is not. Despite it being challenging it is heart-warming to know that God loves us despite all of our flaws and foibles. But for me, where do I stand? How can I stand in God’s embrace when I do not like how I look? God told us that we were made in His image. I have never seen God- but I can safely say that His beauty is so vast that we can not comprehend it, so surely we are? God made every single one of us… He planned it out, He thought so carefully and so intricately. Why can I not understand that, God made me for who I am so why can I not love who I am? Unfortunately, the reason is that the world gets inside us, it allows us to think that we are not beautiful and it allows us to feel awful about ourselves. God on the other hand looks at us from the inside out; he sees emotions, he sees our hearts and he even see our faces and bodies and thinks I love her/him. I pity those (we are all culprits!) who feel like they can look at someone and think ‘they are ugly’, ‘they are fat’, ‘they have too many spots’ or  ‘there legs are too skinny’, why would you do this, if God the King, can look at everyone upon this Earth and see their beauty why should you not?

I could ramble on for ages, I really could. It is clearly for me a very open wound. I struggle with body-image issues and I constantly fault who I am. But do you ever think that when you look at someone else and think that ‘I want to be them’, they are looking at themselves thinking ‘I hate my legs and my bum, why can I not look like them?’. I have a long way to go before I can except who I am, I am not denying this is easy, far from it. But what I would say is try your very best to see yourself through God’s eyes, not the world’s. Try, again it is very hard, to value who you are, love the person who you are… God sees your beauty and so will the people who love you.

Genesis 1:27 (NIV)- ‘So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them’.

Much love and God Bless

Daughter Of God ❤

 

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